Everyday I search the internet to find you the latest signs of the coming apocalypse.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Alright people, this one is on the level of start stocking up your bomb shelter. Scientists are going to build a star here on Earth. I know stars exist and they aren't necessarily a threat to us but building one sounds like they are just trying to blow up the planet. That hydro cylinder thing has managed not to destroy us all but this one...I am going to buy some cases of water...

Friday, July 9, 2010

Fans go blind for GaGa

I am a fan of Lady GaGa just like 11 million other people but I am not going to risk my sight to emulate her. People are putting in these dangerous contact lenses to look bug eyed like she did in her Bad Romance video which isn't very attractive in the first place. Now while I think a lot of those things that she does/wears in her videos are cool I wouldn't do them. I wonder if these girls walk around in their underwear too because guess what? That is no longer shocking and unhygienic. I know men would love it if women walk around in underwear all the time but I don't want to have to see that. Pants were made for a reason and I am a huge fan. Especially since my eyes are crotch level on the commute to work.

Condoms in Happy Meals

Now I know that they teach kids about safe sex but this is ridiculous! 5,000 children received condoms as the toy in their happy meal. Chaos of course ensued, one elderly woman fainted, 12 children blew them up as balloons, and kids at a nearby school got toys instead of condoms. Sounds like next year some teenager is going to be suing McDonald's because they got knocked up. My favorite quote: "Unfortunately most of the workers there don't read English, and they thought 'Ribbed Latex' was a character from The Last Airbender." 

Guns in church

Louisiana is going to allow anyone to carry a gun in church. Why does anyone need to carry a gun in church? I guess I didn't realize that there was a ban on having guns in church, but who is the person that asked for this law? Sigh, only in the south.

Flush your loved ones down the toiliet

Environmentalists are always coming up with interesting plans to save the Earth. Now they want to flush dead bodies down the toliet. As someone who lives next to a cemetery I think not burying people in the ground is probably a good idea. Eventually we are going to run out of space then people won't think this is so crazy. Also no zombies :). But liquefying people....then the family needs to decide how to dispose of the green-brown goo. Ick.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

OMG it's the plague

This blog is normally a joke, the articles I find are just ridiculous and I feel they show the general downswing of society that will come before the apocalypse. Unfortunately today I actually found real signs of the apocalypse. A California campground is shutdown because of a squirrel with the plague. Yes you read correctly, the PLAGUE! Plague has now been added to the list of reasons why I won't go camping. As scary as the plague is, I feel sorry for the person whose job it is to test all the animals at that campground. How often do they have to do this? If it's not very often, then people could already have it and be spreading it all over the country. Excuse me while I go put on my hazmat suit.

Darwin Award of the Week

Well I don't know if this technically counts as Darwin but it's pretty close. Summary man is too lazy to drill holes in the wall to mount his TV. Man decides to shoot holes in the wall. One of the shots kills his wife in the yard. Idiot.